Updated: Mar 22
Holey Brewed is adding a new Content Contributor to the team! This Content Contributor is like no Content Contributor we’ve introduced in the past. This Content Contributor is different and unique. VERY UNIQUE!
Our newest Content Contributor describes himself as the love child of Brad Pitt and Bradley Cooper bathed in Cold Brew coffee.
We are excited (and a little terrified) to announce that @colossusofcoldbrew will be joining the Holey Brewed team as a Content Contributor!
All joking aside, we are thrilled to have @colossusofcoldbrew join our team of Content Contributors because of his fresh take he’s bringing to the coffee content space. It’s fair to say that he is someone who is tired of latte art and cheesy coffee sayings which fill our social media newsfeeds. This is why he brings a new and refreshing form of content to his audience. One that is raw, honest, and FRIGGEN HILARIOUS!
@colossusofcoldbrew owns a cold brew coffee stand called ‘Johnny D’s Cold Brew’ in the summer with his wife at various Chicago farmers markets. His goal is to provide his customers with the very best cold brew. To ensure his is the best, he needs to try every cold brew in the world. The videos he shares takes you with him on that journey, and he very candidly evaluates each one.
PSA: We at Holey Brewed are unable to promise that @colossusofcoldbrew will be wearing pants in all his videos.
We have warned you... let the hilarity commence.
Mr. HB had a chance to catch up with @colossusofcoldbrew better reviews for a quick chat.
Mr. HB: This interview is one I’ve been looking forward to for a while now!
CCB: Why? I am married. Creepy, but okay.
Mr. HB: LOL. What is your favourite type of coffee and why?
CCB: Number one in my books is a good PSL. Second, would have to be a cold brew, black, iced, no lid, and no straw.
Mr. HB: Where did your love for coffee come from?
CCB: I wanted to get addicted to something I’d enjoy, and coffee is healthier than coke.
Mr. HB: I hope you are taking about coke as in the soda.
Mr. HB: Moving on.
Mr. HB: What is something you wish you could change about the coffee space?
CCB: Latte art wears me out more than anything in the world. I am pretty sure I could learn how to do it in like an hour and a half. I’m not impressed. We get it, you can make a heart. After that would have to be those cheesy signs and expressions like “But first, coffee”, “Mommy needs her coffee”, or “No workee before coffee”. I do not like them, enough already.
Mr. HB: Where did your inspiration for @colossusofcoldbrew comes from?
CCB: I run a cold brew coffee stand called ‘Johnny D’s Cold Brew’ in the summer with my wife at various Chicago farmers market. I want to make the best cold brew out there, so I need to try every cold brew and let the world know what I think.
Mr. HB: What makes your Instagram account special compared to so many out there?
CCB: Well, I ripped off Dave Portnoy (of Barstool Sports) and just give an honest opinion about coffee. If you do anything besides post latte art and pour overs, your coffee IG account will be different than 99% of accounts out there. Win.
Mr. HB: I can’t really argue with that.
Mr. HB: What are some of the criteria you use when scoring a cold brew?
CCB: I take my scoring system very seriously. I want a strong, dark coffee, one that would pair well with a cigarette. That usually will land you in the 7.2-8.1 range. I like those because they’re usually affordable and good for everyday drinking.
Sometimes I get a really good brew that’s strong and slightly fruity, which is interesting. Those can go from the high 8’s to low 9’s. That’s a great score.
Then there’s the really weak or dirty tasting brews, or ones that are super creamy/milky and sweet, I call those ‘the wifey cold brews’ because they’re the ones my wife likes. Those can go from low 5’s to low 4’s. Please understand that I am very pro dairy, but don’t hide your coffee behind the glory of milk and sugar.
Really, it’s a gut feeling. You have to reference each coffee with the rest of the ones you’ve had in the past and be consistent. It’s not hard if you’re as insanely smart as I am.
Mr HB: Why did you choose to join Holey Brewed as a Content Contributor?
CCB: I want to introduce the world to a different version of judging coffee like a normal human being. They’re ready for it. You also promised to pay me a boat load of money.
Mr. HB: No I didn’t.
Mr. HB: What advice would you give someone newly getting into cold brew coffee?
CCB: It’s just coffee, order it and enjoy. If you’re making it yourself, good luck, filtration is a nightmare.
Mr. HB: What should people know about you outside of @colossusofcoldbrew?
CCB: Are you writing a book. What type of coffee question is that? I don’t know…my name is Austin, and I’m a Texan, as is my wife.
Mr. HB: Nope just an blog post for the site.
CCB: Ha, like anyone actually reads this sh*t. It’s all about videos. Why read a book when you can just watch the movie?
Mr. HB: If you had to describe yourself in one sentence, what would it be?
CCB: I look like Brad Pitt and Bradley Cooper had a baby together.
Mr. HB: I really don’t know what to say to that...
CCB: Just say “Thank you”
Check out @colossusofcoldbrew on Instagram and give him a follow! Be sure to check out to his videos to find the best cold brew our there!
To have your cold brew reviewed by @colossusofcoldbrew or to book him for an event, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org